If I had a dollar......

If I had a dollar for all the mean and stupid comments I got from people on a weekly basis I would be rich. People are just ignorant when it comes to multiples. I don't get as many comments now as I did when they were babies, probably because they are a bit more grown up and don't look as similar anymore. When they were babies though they all kind of looked alike especially in the first year. In that first year, when we had the car seats and the triple stroller, we were a freak show no matter where we went. 

There was no denying that we had 3 babies. We were a bright and beautiful caravan coming through no matter where we went. I didn't mind so much except when people wanted to touch. I am not sure what makes people think they can just walk up to people they don't know and touch their babies. 

I remember some of the crazy comments I would get too. One time a man literally asked me "How many babies you got in there?" Can he count? So I simple yelled back "Three in the top and I'm hiding 4 more in the bottom!" Humor has gotten me through a lot of the years....

As they have gotten older, I can not tell you the amount of times I have found myself explaining simple genetics to grown adults. 

Question 1: Do you have kids?

Me: Yes, I have triplets

Person: Wow, that's amazing....Boys? Girls?

Me: 2 girls and 1 boy

Person: That's so wonderful. You have both genders. So, are they identical?

Me (puzzled look on my face): No, well I mean the girls are not identical if that's what you are asking. All the kids are fraternal. 

Person: So, what your saying is they are not all identical? 

Why do I have to explain how this works to grown adults? Why do I have to explain how a BOY and a GIRL CAN NOT be identical???? If this simple idea alone confuses someone, then I wonder if they should be procreating at all.... 

It's funny how it's so cool that I have triplets but it always seems less cool to people when they find out they are not identical. Like if my 3 kids don't all look exactly the same then they are somehow less of a unique miracle. While identical triplets are more rare, let me break down some statistics. According to Wikipedia (where it cites the CDC and ASRM):  "Triplets are far less common than twins, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, accounting for only about 4300 sets in 3.9 million births, just a little more than 0.1%, or 1 in 1000.^[3] According to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, only about 10% of these are identical triplets: about 1 in ten thousand.^[3] Nevertheless, only 4 sets of identical triplets were reported in the U.S. during 2015, about one in a million". 

So as we can see, having identical triplets is damn near almost impossible and having triplets at all is quite rare. Now even in my case, via IVF, where the chances for multiples was higher, there was a good possibility we would end up with no baby at all. Due to all of my 'issues' we didn't know if anything would work and if you have read my previous posts then you know it almost didn't. I was lucky that I was only in my 20s when we were going through fertility treatments. Had I been older then the office and health regulations would have put more restrictions on the transfers and treatments. 

Also, with more women using assisted reproductive technology and having babies at older ages (after their careers have started) multiples are more likely. However, the rise of twins is more likely than higher order multiples due to risk factors associated with those higher order births for both babies and moms. Check out this article that talks about this. 

So all the seriousness aside, those first few year were crazy. I constantly had people asking me weird questions and making strange comments.

Here are some I remember and some I still get:

1. When did you find out it was triplets? 6 weeks- perk of multiples...ultrasounds every week 

2. Were you surprised? would you be? 

3. Are they natural? what kind of question is this? natural what? 

4. You didn't breastfeed did you? nope and I wasn't going to if it was one kid...got a problem with that? 

5. OMG How much weight did you gain? Do you have pictures of how fat you got? A Lot...no I stopped taking pictures when I couldn't move anymore.

6. Do multiples run in your family? Run where? 

7. You're done having kids right? You don't have any others right? Does this matter? are you concerned we are creating an army?

8. Can I take a picture of them? I've never seen triplets before.... wow..freak show status..and NO!

9. Do they do everything at the same time?  do any kids do everything at the same time? Sometimes..yes...when they are ganging up on us. When we ask them to do something....no. 

10. Do you ever sleep?  now? yes. when they were babies? yes once they were on a schedule

11. You don't work do you? Like you have to be a stay at home mom.... SAHM? Not a chance. I work full time, coach a sport, and I'm in graduate school. 

12. Are they all like...ok? no issues with any of them? healthy and happy

13. I don't know how you do it....I would just die. And that's why I was chosen to be a mom of multiples

14. You must have such a big house.... it's just right for us

15. Why don't you dress them alike and all matchy? because they are their own people with their own personalities

16. Why didn't you just put them all in the same sports and activities and make your life easier (post on this to come)

There are so many things I can put on this list. Some things people say and I don't think they realize that they can be rude or hurtful. I honestly think they just want to know the answers because they are curious. I get it. I, oddly enough, have had an interest with multiples since I was a kid. All my dolls were twins and triplets, I studied multiples in my psychology classes and found myself drawn to information about multiples. It was almost as if it was fate that I became a parent of multiples. I was made to raise them. 

I think the subject of things like IVF and infertility has been taboo for way too long. Often times people ask me things like Are they natural and Do multiples run in your family because they really want to know if I had IVF. Maybe they are struggling too. Maybe they are trying to create dialogue and looking for a conversation starter. I am open about my journey. More people should be. While my journey to become a mother was hard and tough, I don't think anyone that knows me will tell you that I wasn't meant to be a mom. Maybe I was meant to go through this struggle. Maybe I was meant to fight for my children and maybe I was meant to share this journey with others. Who knows why we go through what we go through, but what I do know is that I was meant to be a mom- whether or not others approve of how I got there. 

So next time you see a mom of twins, triplets or other higher order multiples, be kind. While some may have been blessed spontaneously with their multiples, many of us prayed many years for our blessings. 

I do not know how every parent of multiples feels but for me, I want my children to understand that they are unique because they are triplets and that is special. But I also want them to know that they are each individuals who are special and unique too. I don't want them to be known only as The Triplets. Their identity should not rest solely on the fact that they are triplets. It is hard to hold that fine line of being unique individuals but holding onto their unique bond also. My biggest challenge as a mom is teaching them this as they grown up, which gives me as a multiple mom one extra parenting step to do as they grow up. 

Picture from March of Dimes walk a few years ago

giving back to those who helped bless us.

Blessings & Reflections

June is often a reflective month for me. June is the month I found out I was finally pregnant after five long hard and exhausting years of trying. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically broken at that point and was overjoyed (and scared) to finally have the news. June 22, 2010 was the day we got the news. After six failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed injection cycles and 2 other failed IVF cycles, we didn't have high hopes. However, this time the news what good. We knew better than to get too excited as often times miscarriages happen (as I had had one before), so we were cautious throughout. We knew with the numbers that we were having multiples and after a few weeks we had an ultrasound that confirmed it. The ultrasound also confirmed however that one of our multiples was not developing as fast as the other two. It was suggested that we reduce the pregnancy to twins. We went to a specialist and did a full work up the next week. After careful consideration, we decided to continue with the triplet pregnancy. What was going to happen was going to happen. We had come this far already. I took every precaution. We went in every week to both the OB and the specialist and within weeks the last baby had caught up to the other two in growth. We were now on track for this triplet pregnancy. 

For those of you who want to know what it was like....it was amazing and awful all at the same time. By 19 weeks pregnant I looked full term. By 4 months I was on bedrest and by 7 months I was giving birth. 

19 weeks pregnant

25 weeks pregnant 

(last picture I took; I delivered at 31 weeks)

I did everything I could to prepare. I was realistic. I knew they would be early. I prepared myself for that. I knew they would need NICU time and would most likely have wires and tubes. I prepared myself for that. I read up on prematurity and things associated with it. Since I was on bedrest, I spent my time wisely and made sure to be prepared for what was ahead. I joined parents of multiple groups and forums to speak with multiple parents and get advice ahead of time. I was determined not to be naive about raising three babies at once. The reality is that these are humans not play toys or show pieces. They are my children and I am responsible for their care and their well-being. Those first few years are so critical and I can't screw it up. 

I started experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions as early as 4 months. I had to keep track of them- how many per hour and how intense. If they surpassed a certain amount, I had to go to the hospital to receive an injection. I also need injections for the babies lungs to develop and I received monitoring for my iron levels and blood pressure. My body was literally falling apart trying to grow these babies. 

Overall, I had 8 labor and delivery visits (emergency visits) throughout my pregnancy. The last one was the day after Christmas 2010. Two days later, my OB had me admitted for hospital bedrest. That was it, I knew it would be any day at that point. 

On New Year's Day 2011 via emergency c-section, the triplets were born. I don't remember much. I remember getting the epidural and then my body gave out. My body gave it's all and now it was time to rest. Thank goodness my husband was able to document everything. If it wasn't for him and the discharge papers, I wouldn't know anything about that day. The babies were born and whisked away in incubators to the NICU. I, however had some complications and other than pictures via my husband, didn't see the babies until they were 4 days old. 

                                                    One of the girl's feet in her daddy's hand

We were lucky. Other than some normal premature complications, our children were born perfect. By the age of two, they had out grown or had been cleared by all their doctors from birth. We still experience a few minor complications from their prematurity but for the most part they are normal kids. We are blessed. There are so many families out there- with multiples or not- that have children with birth defects, issues from prematurity, or other disabilities or defects. We are grateful for what we have and grateful for what we don't have. 

So my message to you is this: think positively, stay humble, and be grateful. You are probably already blessed in so many ways. 

Traveling with Triplets....

I get asked often what it's like having triplets. I don't know how to answer that. We don't know any different. People also often asks us how we travel with 3 children. Well, my husband and I have traveled together since the first month we started dating. I grew up with a love of travel and my husband with a desire to travel, so we knew we would continue to travel no matter what. For us travel is more important than material things. We actually give our children an option for their birthday- party or vacation- and they always choose vacation. Smart kids....

The fact is that the memories made on these travels, small trips or big, can never be replaced. We try to take at least two big trips a year. One winter and one summer (what is winter in Florida?). Anyway, we try to head out to see snow at some point in the year. Our snow trip got cancelled this year right at the start of the COVID pandemic. The kids were shattered (my husband and I were too if we are being honest). We look forward to the snow each year. With everything the way it is and has been recently, we weren't sure we would get in any away time. However, we sometimes forget just how close we live to paradise. 

 

In less than two weeks, we booked and planned a small 4 day getaway to the Florida Keys. At this point in time, traveling with triplets has become routine. The kids all have their own luggage and they know the procedure. In fact, they all can pack for themselves actually. I think I have more problems with my husband packing :) Even the kids know to pack that extra pair of clothes and account for the unforeseen circumstances of weather. They pack games and books and never forget a bathing suit (even on the snow vacation because hey, you never know!). 

I think the biggest thing with traveling with triplets- or any large family for that matter- is the stuff. It is hard to pack light. Our SUV was packed to the brim for a small 3 night 4 day getaway at the beach. When we traveled with them as toddlers- we took them to Disney as young as 18 months- we had to travel with 3 pack and plays, travel high chairs, toy bins, diapers/pull ups, etc. 

Because of this, we waited until they were 8 years old to take them on a plane for the first time. I was nervous about all the stuff we would take and then the idea of needing a rental car once we got there and the idea of booster seats and such. We went on a snow vacation that year to Vermont. So again, packing was also challenging since we needed layers on top of the concern that we were already challenged by the fact that we were a large family. You should of seen us pull up to the airport! Each of us had a carry on rolly bag, each of us had a back pack, and we had 3 large rolly suitcases. It was pretty funny to watch us try to maneuver all that through the airport. The kids were not much help. 

                                                        This is just the carry-on luggage!

That trip was quite an adventure but all the chaos and stress is always worth it in the end. The kids have not stopped talking about that trip and can't wait to go on a plane again and see snow again. They learned how to ski and spent days just playing in the snow. Sometimes we take the little things for granted, like time spent just being together not at home. At the end of each trip, my husband always asks our kids what their favorite thing/part was. It's really cute. Some of their answers are not what you would think. It's not always what you spent the most money on or the big adventure. Sometimes it's a simple walk or card game in the hotel. 

So, you ask: How do we travel with Triplets? Well, same as you travel with your kids....but with a Whole Lot more stuff!

Waiting at baggage claim for the rest of the luggage

The real joy and the reason we travel....look at that face!

COVID vacation picture

I'm Back!

Well after a long hiatus, I am back. I have decided that I am going to try to start writing again and blogging again about my life raising triplets. I have decided to start a new blog page under somewhat of a same name- changed slightly as the kids are no longer babies. I have attached the old blog in a link here so those of you that missed reading the old blog can visit it to catch up :)

The triplets are now 9 years old. They are heading into 4th grade this coming year. We are still more than blessed. I look forward to starting this journey again and taking you all along for the ride. 

Welcome to our wonderful chaotic and blessed world. 

To read up and visit the old blog, and then join me here on the new one. Subscribe and don't miss a thing. You can also follow me on Instagram @burningon3

Jess