If I had a dollar......

If I had a dollar for all the mean and stupid comments I got from people on a weekly basis I would be rich. People are just ignorant when it comes to multiples. I don't get as many comments now as I did when they were babies, probably because they are a bit more grown up and don't look as similar anymore. When they were babies though they all kind of looked alike especially in the first year. In that first year, when we had the car seats and the triple stroller, we were a freak show no matter where we went. 

There was no denying that we had 3 babies. We were a bright and beautiful caravan coming through no matter where we went. I didn't mind so much except when people wanted to touch. I am not sure what makes people think they can just walk up to people they don't know and touch their babies. 

I remember some of the crazy comments I would get too. One time a man literally asked me "How many babies you got in there?" Can he count? So I simple yelled back "Three in the top and I'm hiding 4 more in the bottom!" Humor has gotten me through a lot of the years....

As they have gotten older, I can not tell you the amount of times I have found myself explaining simple genetics to grown adults. 

Question 1: Do you have kids?

Me: Yes, I have triplets

Person: Wow, that's amazing....Boys? Girls?

Me: 2 girls and 1 boy

Person: That's so wonderful. You have both genders. So, are they identical?

Me (puzzled look on my face): No, well I mean the girls are not identical if that's what you are asking. All the kids are fraternal. 

Person: So, what your saying is they are not all identical? 

Why do I have to explain how this works to grown adults? Why do I have to explain how a BOY and a GIRL CAN NOT be identical???? If this simple idea alone confuses someone, then I wonder if they should be procreating at all.... 

It's funny how it's so cool that I have triplets but it always seems less cool to people when they find out they are not identical. Like if my 3 kids don't all look exactly the same then they are somehow less of a unique miracle. While identical triplets are more rare, let me break down some statistics. According to Wikipedia (where it cites the CDC and ASRM):  "Triplets are far less common than twins, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, accounting for only about 4300 sets in 3.9 million births, just a little more than 0.1%, or 1 in 1000.^[3] According to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, only about 10% of these are identical triplets: about 1 in ten thousand.^[3] Nevertheless, only 4 sets of identical triplets were reported in the U.S. during 2015, about one in a million". 

So as we can see, having identical triplets is damn near almost impossible and having triplets at all is quite rare. Now even in my case, via IVF, where the chances for multiples was higher, there was a good possibility we would end up with no baby at all. Due to all of my 'issues' we didn't know if anything would work and if you have read my previous posts then you know it almost didn't. I was lucky that I was only in my 20s when we were going through fertility treatments. Had I been older then the office and health regulations would have put more restrictions on the transfers and treatments. 

Also, with more women using assisted reproductive technology and having babies at older ages (after their careers have started) multiples are more likely. However, the rise of twins is more likely than higher order multiples due to risk factors associated with those higher order births for both babies and moms. Check out this article that talks about this. 

So all the seriousness aside, those first few year were crazy. I constantly had people asking me weird questions and making strange comments.

Here are some I remember and some I still get:

1. When did you find out it was triplets? 6 weeks- perk of multiples...ultrasounds every week 

2. Were you surprised? would you be? 

3. Are they natural? what kind of question is this? natural what? 

4. You didn't breastfeed did you? nope and I wasn't going to if it was one kid...got a problem with that? 

5. OMG How much weight did you gain? Do you have pictures of how fat you got? A Lot...no I stopped taking pictures when I couldn't move anymore.

6. Do multiples run in your family? Run where? 

7. You're done having kids right? You don't have any others right? Does this matter? are you concerned we are creating an army?

8. Can I take a picture of them? I've never seen triplets before.... wow..freak show status..and NO!

9. Do they do everything at the same time?  do any kids do everything at the same time? Sometimes..yes...when they are ganging up on us. When we ask them to do something....no. 

10. Do you ever sleep?  now? yes. when they were babies? yes once they were on a schedule

11. You don't work do you? Like you have to be a stay at home mom.... SAHM? Not a chance. I work full time, coach a sport, and I'm in graduate school. 

12. Are they all like...ok? no issues with any of them? healthy and happy

13. I don't know how you do it....I would just die. And that's why I was chosen to be a mom of multiples

14. You must have such a big house.... it's just right for us

15. Why don't you dress them alike and all matchy? because they are their own people with their own personalities

16. Why didn't you just put them all in the same sports and activities and make your life easier (post on this to come)

There are so many things I can put on this list. Some things people say and I don't think they realize that they can be rude or hurtful. I honestly think they just want to know the answers because they are curious. I get it. I, oddly enough, have had an interest with multiples since I was a kid. All my dolls were twins and triplets, I studied multiples in my psychology classes and found myself drawn to information about multiples. It was almost as if it was fate that I became a parent of multiples. I was made to raise them. 

I think the subject of things like IVF and infertility has been taboo for way too long. Often times people ask me things like Are they natural and Do multiples run in your family because they really want to know if I had IVF. Maybe they are struggling too. Maybe they are trying to create dialogue and looking for a conversation starter. I am open about my journey. More people should be. While my journey to become a mother was hard and tough, I don't think anyone that knows me will tell you that I wasn't meant to be a mom. Maybe I was meant to go through this struggle. Maybe I was meant to fight for my children and maybe I was meant to share this journey with others. Who knows why we go through what we go through, but what I do know is that I was meant to be a mom- whether or not others approve of how I got there. 

So next time you see a mom of twins, triplets or other higher order multiples, be kind. While some may have been blessed spontaneously with their multiples, many of us prayed many years for our blessings. 

I do not know how every parent of multiples feels but for me, I want my children to understand that they are unique because they are triplets and that is special. But I also want them to know that they are each individuals who are special and unique too. I don't want them to be known only as The Triplets. Their identity should not rest solely on the fact that they are triplets. It is hard to hold that fine line of being unique individuals but holding onto their unique bond also. My biggest challenge as a mom is teaching them this as they grown up, which gives me as a multiple mom one extra parenting step to do as they grow up. 

Picture from March of Dimes walk a few years ago

giving back to those who helped bless us.